I am not a very relaxed person. I enjoy relaxing (obviously... who doesn't?), but I'm not very good at it. Especially when I'm out of my element like I was during my trip to Delaware.
Every summer I fly out to Washington D.C. to visit my dad. Usually we tour the city, eat at cool restaurants, and watch movies. But starting last summer we added another person to the week - my new step-mom. Fortunately she and her family were very welcoming of me and they invited me to their beach week at Bethany Beach, Delaware. They've gone the last 32 summers to stay in a beach house at their favorite beach. I accepted the invitation; however, as the vacation date approached, I got more nervous about it. I knew I would be lonely and homesick since I didn't know these people very well. But I boarded the plane anyway.
It was a long day of traveling but I was happy to see the ocean. There was a perfect sunset the first night, full of oranges and pinks and blues. I felt more at ease when I was by the water. When I was with my group, on the other hand, I felt anxious and lonely because they were so different from me. They talked differently, seemed a lot smarter than me, and they didn't quite understand my daily diet. I also missed my family and friends back home. I knew I had a long six days ahead of me.
The first beach day was so uncomfortably hot. It was also crowded because it was the Sunday after the fourth of July. I attempted to lay out on a blanket and get a tan, but the blanket was covered in sand. Since I was sweating so much, the sand stuck to me and made my skin feel gritty and gross. I wasn't exactly sad when we headed back to the house.
A second beach day went by, which was better but still not much fun. My dad, step-mom, and I decided to take a break from the water and go mini golfing. It ended up being a lot of fun, plus we got free ice cream. That night our whole group (twelve of us all together) went out for dinner. It was the first night I actually enjoyed myself. There was good conversation, delicious food, and a fun environment. I finally felt like things were looking up.
The fourth day was another beach day, and it was perfect. It was a sunny day but it wasn't too hot. We set up our umbrellas, chairs, and blankets, ate a picnic lunch, and tried to enjoy the day. I ended up falling asleep on one of the blankets, which was a first for me that week. When I woke up I decided to sit in a chair and just relax. I focused on the waves, the hot air, and the unusually cool breeze coming off the ocean. I tried not to think about anything on the trip that was bothering me or making me feel anxious. I just breathed. An hour later I realized I had fallen asleep again. I was amazed at myself for actually feeling content for once. We packed up and headed home, and got ready for another group dinner.
The rest of the week got better and better. After a day of shopping, a few more great meals, and a rainy day spent inside, I felt so much calmer. I now know that there really was no need to worry. I'm looking forward to joining them for beach week again next year.
I really liked the fact that your experience was enjoyable, yet also had a message (don't judge a book by its cover). Your imagery was nice and descriptive and I could feel myself on the beach as you talked about sand sticking to your back and cool air from the ocean. I liked how it was sequential, but it didn't seem like it was dragging, more like it was building up to something. The only thing I would say is perhaps to include a little more emotional appeal. While we did see your fears and anxiety, some of the situations seemed a little emotionless. For example, when you talked about them "being smarter, talking differently, and not understanding your diet" you could include why or how they did this, maybe even with dialogue instead of just a sentence. Overall, however, I think you did a very nice job of telling this story with your use of imagery and the final message.
ReplyDeleteAs Erika did, I also enjoyed your imagery a lot! However, it was a little confusing about your diet. If I didn't peronally know you were a vegetarian I would be confused.
ReplyDeleteI like the progression of days throughout your narritive. It provided good transitions between paragraphs. I also loved the way you described the beach in a way that most writers don't. You pointed out the bad parts that are always there, yet nobody ever recognizes. It went well with the time you were having. Your word choices got more eloquent as you started to enjoy your trip more, which was excellent. Overall, I enjoyed reading this and it was good quality!
Thanks to you both! I agree with both of your comments; both provided advice that I hadn't really noticed or thought about. For example when I wrote the sentence "being smarter, talking differently, and not understanding your diet," it didn't occur to me that it may come across as confusing to the reader. Your comments will be helpful with my next narrative.
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