This morning I returned to church for the first time since my husband died last year. Since the last time I was there a new minister has stepped in, his name was Jonathan Edwards. I'd heard rumors about his intense sermons and angry outbursts, but none of the talk could have prepared me for what I was about to experience.
I bundled up my four-year-old daughter and stepped out into the cold, crisp Autumn air. As I walked I took in the beauty of the world around me and thought about how the next hour or two would be for me. I was looking forward to an enlightening service, something to give me hope after all the sadness in the past year. But as I walked through the heavy front doors I quickly gathered that this wouldn't be the enlightenment I was looking for.
There was a nervous, quiet murmer in the room, and creepy, dim candlelight. I saw no sign of the minister anywhere. My daughter and I took a seat in a pew near the back and tried to blend in with the rest of the congregation. A few minutes later Jonathon Edwards walked up to the front of the room and began speaking.
His opening words, "we find it easy to tread on and crush a worm that we see crawling on the earth" started out relatable. But then he followed up with "thus easy is it for God when he pleases to cast his enemies down to hell."
I wondered, what? This didn't make sense to me. The God I knew did not "please to cast his enemies down to hell." He continued, speaking of God's anger and wrath, his disappointment in us, his followers, and in the rest of the world. He talked of "the flames that now rage and glow" and how we were being held over the pit of hell, just waiting for the moment when God grew angry enough to let us fall into that firy pit.
He told us that his wrath was everlasting, and then went on to say we have "an extraordinary opportunity" to become better people, and no longer sin. This was one of the many contradictions in his sermon. If we became better people and did not sin any longer, then why would God have everlasting wrath?
I walked out of the church feeling angry and confused. I look to God for enlightenment and hope, and inspiration. I think it is obvious that I won't be returning to this church again. If nothing else I'll simply pray on my own and read the bible alone. My God does not have an everlasting wrath toward me, and I do not fear Him or feel anger toward Him either. So now, I suppose I'll say farewell to the Puritan religion.
Good piece of writing! I like how you start the story as a true narrative, setting up your chosen character and then including descriptive language of the surroundings. This drew me into your response right away. Your actual response to the sermon was fitting and reflected the sentiments that many within the community probably felt. This was a very believable response. Good job.
ReplyDelete10/10